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Saturday, October 29, 2011

New Job

I started a new job today.  It was a lot of fun and I'm sure I will enjoy it for a while.  I also got a haircut.  I kinda wish I hadn't got it cut but what can I do now?  It won't take long for it to grow out again.  

I'm on the verge of losing everything I have.  I'm behind on every bill.  I'll be out of power in a few days and I'm probably going to lose my house.  I'm busting my ass to save what I have but I feel like I'm digging the hole a little bit deeper every day.

I've fought depression for months.  I'm losing the battle.  I've tried to stay positive and not let anyone know how sad and afraid I have been.  I guess I should try harder.  I can't keep lying to everyone about how I'm doing.  

When does this all get better?  Someone please tell me.

~Nancy Drew

1 comment:

  1. i wish i could tell you when it gets better. i'm still waiting for it to. but know that even in alaska, i am here for you. no matter what you need, i'm here. i may not be able to support you, but i can lend you a few bucks now and then. i know what it's like to need it. hell, even now sometimes i need it, but am too afraid to ask for it b/c i'm on my own and feel like i shouldn't have to. like i should be all grown up all at once. you are brave. you bought a house! and yeah, you're behind on payments, and yeah, you may lose electricity, but this stuff happens to everyone who takes risks. you are a risk taker and that makes you BRAVE. you're my hero. you being you keeps me going every day. without friends like you, being brave like you are, i couldn't manage the struggle on my own. you are not alone. and even if you succumb to the depression, you are not alone and you will not be in that place forever. God works, in whatever way He chooses. put your faith in Him and don't bear all the burden alone. you are brave, but you aren't as strong as He is. none of us are. so trust and pray and love. i'm proud of you getting a new job. i know it wasn't easy. and you know what? i had a knife in my hand today, ready to cut, but i read your blog instead and knew i wasn't the only one struggling and afraid and i felt less alone and put the knife down. for all you non-nancy readers, i'm a cutter. read about it at (or maybe it's com i dunno). i love you nancy and even in your darkest hour you bring me light and hope because you love me. stay strong and fight hard.