Fish tacos, a dead bird, and crying

I fear that therapy was a bad decision.  I woke up this morning in tears.  My recurring nightmare revisited me last night.  I haven’t had the dream in several weeks but this time it came back with ominous music and if I remember correctly, a water buffalo jumped out and head-butted me, then ate Steve.  The dream comes to me when I’m stressed or overly emotional, which I’ve been this week.  So, I boo-hooed all morning.  Then, I sat at my computer, shaking like I had parkinson’s, and googled things.  Nothing in particular.. just googled. 

This afternoon, I decided to take Steve to get a fish sandwich.  We road tripped to Long John Silver’s and ordered a crab cake, a fish sandwich, and a fish taco.  The fish sandwich was gross.  I’m not sure I’ve ever said that about a fish sandwich before.  Normally, I view fish sandwiches like they are orgasms on bread made of rainbows, but this one was like poop on cardboard.  The fish taco, however, was awesome.  Fish taco sounds like an extremely disgusting name for a very dirty vagina, but the actual food was good. 

I found a dead bird in my back yard.  It looked as bad as I feel.  This mood scares me.  People ask me if I’m okay and I smile and nod.  My smile is fake and I pretend to be happy just to prevent further questioning.  Part of me wanted to lay down next to that bird and never get up.  But, it was cold so I went back inside, carrying Bert under my arm like a sack of potatoes.  Instead of cuddling with the dead bird, I plopped down on the floor of my office and put my head on Steve’s feet.  I slept there for about an hour.  I woke up with my neck hurting, drool running down my face, and I was surrounded by dogs.  That was the highlight of my day.  Sad, I know. 

~Nancy Drew

OMG I almost died

As I sat at my computer desk, googling, I felt something soft and squishy push against my left shoulder.  Normally, soft and squishy things do not cause me to internally panic, but this time, since I was in my element and concentrating on Google, I nearly peed my pants and jumped out of my skin.  I turned, expecting  to see a giant fluffy, murderous teddy bear monster  with huge teeth, dripping with blood, waiting to make a snack out of me.  Wrong.  It was just Scuba Steve, my great dane.  He was standing there with a toy hedgehog in his mouth,  bobbing his head like a chicken, pushing the toy onto my shoulder.  Sometimes, I swear these dogs will be the death of me.  I asked him, "Steve, what do you want?"  He snorted and pranced around like a retard, violently shaking the hedgehog.  Moments like these, when my heart is pounding out of my chest from fear of being eaten, and feeling so much love for a retarded, giant horse-dog, I honestly feel happy.

~Nancy Drew

Google and my retarded dogs

I think that my googling is out of hand.  I mean, really.  During a Skype conversation last night, I looked up my computer's history to see the things I've googled in the past week.  It was shocking to me.  Google is no longer a website or a place, it's a noun.  For me, it's an addiction.  Just to give a sample of my history from the past 7 days, here are a few things I have googled:

• est ce que tu lyrics
• Gilbert Gottfried's real voice
• How to check for bed bugs
• Was Jackie on Roseanne gay?
• how to get your book published
• Can you buy sperm online?
• Should I start therapy?
• heroin
• Why should I write a book?
• What shouldn't I tell my therapist?
• developmental psychology springfield, mo
• books that sell
• colors lyrics
• Who the hell just called me?
• hominy
• How much retirement should I have by age 30?
• Can you freeze fresh spinach?
• egg flower soup
• Is my dog retarded?
• Can therapists have you committed?
• hardcore pawn

Ok, ok.  I'm not going to list all of the searches but this should give any of my readers a good idea of how nutso I am.  Nutso or not, I did learn a great deal from Google this week.  Gilbert Gottfried's real voice is soooo damn creepy.  I'd rather hear that high-pitched,  fake, woman-in-distress squawk than his real voice anyday.  Yes, you can buy sperm online.  I'm not sure which is more disturbing, the fact that you can buy sperm online or that I was curious enough to Google it.  While I googled "Why should I write a book, " I found a very sad and depressing blog about why I SHOULDN'T write a book.  Great.  That's why I'm blogging right now instead of writing on my book... or googling.  Is my dog retarded?  I'm pretty sure that at least 2 of them are.

I'll explain...

Bert spent approximately 5 hours yesterday with duct tape wrapped around his ears.  He was just as happy as ever.  I woke up in the middle of the night and actually felt a twinge of guilt that I would tape my dog just to pull myself out of depression.  So, I snuggled Bert up close to me and kissed him on the head, slowly removed the duct tape, and then proceeded to announce to him that he's a dumbass.  He yawned, circled three or four times, and went back to sleep.  Cute...but dumb.  Bert is also my boy who has an extreme fascination with his own tail.  He chases it.  I mean, chases it like if he doesn't succeed in catching it, the world will end.  He stops at nothing to retrieve that blasted tail.  Smacking into walls, Steve's legs, nor furniture will stop him.  When I see him twirling after his heiny, I swear I can hear him saying, "I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha!"


Then, there is Scuba Steve.  Now, I'm not sure if Steve is mentally challenged or if he is just extremely clumsy.  Today, I watched him do a very impressive spin on my freshly mopped living room floor.  Trying to catch up with Bert, he appeared to attempt a triple lutz without success.  I watched in horror as I saw my big man's legs fly up and in slow motion, he landed face first onto the hardwood.  Had he really been ice skating, I'm sure the cold would have felt much better than the wet hardwood.  Bless him.  Within a second of his face plant, he jumped to his feet and snorted like a bull.  Of course, I grabbed him and looked him over to make sure he was okay.  That was a serious fall that scared me as much as it scared him.  Steve was fine... and so was my hardwood.  Yes, he hit so hard, I checked for a crack in the floor too.

Google is an invaluable tool to me.  I'm not sure that I consider my retarded dogs 'tools,' but they are definitely invaluable too.  They fill a void for me and make me feel not so alone.  Google gives me the answers, but my retarded dogs give me the love that I need.  They satisfy my need for human interaction and allow me to feel somewhat normal.  Retarded or not, I love them.

~Nancy Drew

Bert, the good sport

Not all of my boys have learned to stay away from Mommy during her days of depression.  Sometimes the only thing that can cheer me up is a little bit of duct tape.  I'm sure Bert will learn soon.  He wasn't very happy during the first picture, but I am thankful he was there to assist in putting a smile on my face.

~Nancy Drew

Fat girls should not run

Yesterday, I ran for a whopping 20 seconds at best while out with Steve.  I didn't die, nobody laughed at me, nor did I get smacked by my own breast.  I stopped only because Steve turned and hooked me around a light pole.  Well apparently, fat girls just should not run.  My left leg feels like there is a crack in the bone. HAHA as funny as it is, I swear it's true.  I've limped around all day.  I'm not sore anywhere else at all.  Just my left leg.  Ok really, it isn't that bad.  But I still think that fat girls should only run in the dark, if at all.

~Nancy Drew

More damn noodles!



Bert and I had a great day in town.  He got a shot at the vet but was very well mannered.  After we got home, we decided to go for a walk.  I took Kipper out first.  We walked around the block and through part of the park.  Kipper peed every 3 steps but seemed to have a good time in the sunshine.  Then I took Steve.  He practically pulled me down the street.  We met up with some people putting up a sign for our community garden.  They took a picture of me and Steve next to the sign.  It's going to be pretty cool having a community garden.  I'm going to try to volunteer and become more active with my neighborhood association.  I gave them my email address and they say they will email the pic to me.  If it's not too bad of a picture after I get it, I'll post it.  After Steve and I finished our lap around the block, I took Trevor and Bert out at the same time.  They are the same size so it's easy to walk them together.  Trevor and Steve pooped.  I remembered the baggies! :)

 



While Steve and I were walking, Bert found another package of ramen noodes and decided to open them on the couch.  Thanks, boy.

He is so proud of that little mess.

Trevor was sure to hoard his part of the new package of noodles.

Bert and Steve playing with a rabbit on the deck. (a toy.  not a real rabbit.)

Trevor on the deck after his walk.

Steve cuddling with the rabbit.

Steve looks so happy! 

Bert was chillin on the deck after his walk. :)

Kipper brought the rabbit to me but Steve grabbed it before I could throw it.

Steve and Bert fighting for the rabbit again.

Lunch!  Did you know that celery is actually yummy if you peel it?!

~Nancy Drew



Trevor and the ramen noodles

Last night, I was so sleepy that I forgot to post the pictures I took after I got home from work.  All of the pictures are blurry because Trevor wouldn't stop squirming.  I came into the house expecting a huge mess.  It wasn't so bad.  Bert shredded his head band into tiny little slivers of white plastic.  And Trevor was sitting with a package of ramen noodles on the couch.  I'm not sure who got them out of the cabinet...but Trevor is hoarding them.  Even as I type right now, Trevor is downstairs sleeping next to those damn noodles.  He hoards food!  Anyone want a list of foods I have found behind the tv, in my bed, in the couch and so on?  Great...  chicken nuggets, biscuits, honeybuns, cookies, hot dogs, pork chops, dog biscuits, crackers, moon pies, cheese, and now ramen noodles.  I'm sure there are other foods I have found, but after three years of being with my Trevor, these are all I can remember right now.

~Nancy Drew

Great dane poop and WINNING!

Scuba Steve took me for a walk around the neighborhood today.  It was such a beautiful day and we spent much of it outside.  I'm glad I remembered to bring a plastic baggie with me today.  I seem to always forget one on the days that Steve wants to dump his load.  That's just too much poop to leave it.  You gotta pick up the poop! Today, he pooped on the north side of Grant Beach Park, right in front of a bunch of toddler kiddies. I should make him wear a diaper.

It always amuses me when people talk to Steve.  Usually, they say things like, 'are you walking that dog or is he walking you?' and 'why don't you just put a saddle on that dog and ride him around?'. That's what I get for owning a horse-dog.  It makes me smile knowing that most everyone always tells me how pretty he is.  Great danes are a mess...but I just don't want to be without mine.

After our walk, I sat at my computer to write a bit more on my book.  I'm so excited about how things are playing out.  I think it'll be a good story and I'll cry my eyes out if I ever finish it.  While I was writing away, my phone lit up with a twitter post that Brett the Intern was doing a live show.  I stopped writing to join in.  He was doing some giveaways to promote the digi tour.  I wish I could go but the tour doesn't stop anywhere near here.  I'm excited to say that I won some digi tour stickers. :)  I don't think I've been this excited about stickers since I was 4 years old.  haha Winning!

~Nancy Drew

Drinks, diet plans, and road trips

This is a snapshot of my St. Patrick's Day celebration.  This may be my favorite holiday.

After eating a huge meal at TGIFriday's and drinking more than I should at the bar last night, one would think that I would limit my calorie intake today.  Nope.  I drank a pot of coffee and ate a leftover pizza slice for breakfast.  Then I made a pot of potato soup (which was amazing) for lunch.  I ate the soup for lunch and dinner, followed by a nice big helping of guilt.  I started asking myself why do I put myself through this?  Why can't I control my eating (and drinking) habits?  Why am I basically a whale?  Well, the truth is, I don't know.  But, I'm going to try to fix it.  I spoke with Matthew today and he reminded me that our 10 year high school reunion is next spring.  So, I have a year to change this body.  I mean, this isn't me.  This is a shell.  I want my outside to match my inside.  That sounds gross, but I mean that my soul is so much more beautiful than my big ass (even though that's a VERY beautiful, big ass).  I have spent the past 2 hours or so researching weight loss tips, diet recipes, and watching "Ruby" on Netflix to start my motivation.  I'm ashamed to say this, but after making my plan to start a new life, I decided to have one last guilt trip to kind of 'get it out of my system'.  So, off to McDonald's we went.  Yes, all 5 of us loaded up in the truck.  I was only going to take Steve but as I put his leash on, Bert started to whimper and said, "Mom! I want to go too!"... I said, "Fine."  Then Kipper said, "Mom!  If Bert gets to go, I want to go!"  I said, "Oh no.. I can't take you too."  Trevor said, "Oh come on, Mom!  Let's all go!"  I said, "Are you nuts?!"  Then began the sad faces and whimpers from my two oldest boys.  "Oh my lord. Fine, let's all go."  I got them all leashed up and they practically dragged me out the front door and down the street.  We got in the truck and off we went to McDonald's for our last indulgence.  I ordered 4 plain cheeseburgers and a reese's mcflurry.  The cheeseburgers were divided for my kids.  1/2 for Kipper, 1/2 for Trevor, 1/2 for Bert and 2 1/2 for Steve.  To my delight, nobody got hurt and we all enjoyed our treats.  But this is it.  Time to make a change.  I know fat people say that line all too often and follow it with failure and regret.  I've said it many times, myself.  But I'm ready.  I'm going to do it.  And you are going to get to read about it. Wish me luck. :)

~Nancy Drew

It's funny because it's true

~Nancy Drew

Stupid AT&T and my motorboating dog

I'm not entirely sure if I should call AT&T stupid or if that insult should be directed toward myself for having their service.  When I signed up for internet service in September of last year, I had a promotion for $19.95 per month for 12 months.  My first bill had the full price of $40.  Fine.  I called AT&T to make sure I was under the promotional contract.  The representative for AT&T explained that the first two bills would be at full price, then the $19.95 price plus credits from my first two statements would be applied. My fifth payment is due this month and I'm still paying $40 and have not received any credits.  I have called multiple times asking when I am getting my credits and when I can stop paying $40 each month.  Today, after being transferred four times, I was told that they have resolved the issue and the promotion and credits will be applied within the next two statements.  Really?  So, again I have to pay $40?  It's not a huge deal since it's only $40 and that won't break the bank, but that's not what I was offered when I signed up.  After speaking with the fifth customer service rep today, I was informed that I still have to pay the $40 each month until the invoice indicates otherwise.  Their customer service is a joke.  When they advertise a promotion of half price internet service for 12 months, what they really means is that you will pay full price for at least 7 months before seeing any savings.  The only positive thing I can say is that the actual internet service itself is really good.  I have yet to have any problems staying connected to the internet... knock on wood.  I just can't WAIT to see my next two statements.

Now.. on to my motorboating dog, Scuba Steve.  If anyone reading this is unaware of the definition of 'motorboating,' please allow urbandictionary.com to explain.  According to www.urbandictionary.com, motorboating is defined as:  "The placement of one's face, specifically the mouth, into the area between a well-endowed woman's breasts, followed by a rapid shaking of the face in a side-to-side motion accompanied by yelling. The resulting sound that is created sounds similar to an outboard boat motor."  My great dane does this.  He doesn't yell exactly, but he does in fact grunt and snort.  I think that's close enough.  He does this all the time.  He does this not only to me, but also women he meets in the pet store, vet office, or walking on the street.  The first time I was embarrassed by him, he motorboated the vet nurse who always takes care of us when any of my boys visit.  This vet nurse in particular is the one I've had a crush on for almost 3 years.  Apparently, Scuba Steve likes her goodies too.


This morning, for the second morning in a row, I woke up to Steve falling off the bed.  We have a king size bed but he has been insisting on sleeping on my right side.  I sleep on the right side of the bed.  So, today I realized that he has been inching his way to taking over MY SIDE of the bed.  I know he's spoiled... but this is nuts!  I just can't help but love him.

Here are a few pics of Scuba Steve having Bert as a snack.  He might have even motorboated him a couple times too.

~Nancy Drew



Stronger bladders and dreams of deodorant

My wonderful little weak bladdered great dane got a cookie and a kiss this morning.  Steve allowed Mommy to sleep late on her first day of vacation without weeing on the floor. :) I'm sure he didn't know why he was being praised, but it made me happy to know that his bladder is getting stronger or that he's learning the rules.  Ahhh... baby steps.

Now, Bert on the other hand, is being a little wanker this morning.  I've taken two ink pens and one sharpie marker away from him so far today.  I'm not sure where he is getting them but its my priority to find his source.  I think he has a dealer and I'm going to put a stop to it. haha

Dreams.... Why?!  Why?!  Why are dreams so dang weird?!  A few nights back, I had a dream that I had to put Steve in rehab.  Apparently, I was so concerned about him that my job was suffering.  The day I got Steve out of rehab, Greg started trying to feed him crack to see if he would take it and relapse.  WTF? REALLY?!  My dog was a crackhead?!  (And thank you very much, Greg, for helping me with my dog.. I'm sure that's EXACTLY what he needed at the time... Don't you care about him?! and p.s., I love you.)

Last night, I had this dumbass dream about deodorant.  It was perfectly normal to apply your deodorant with a spatula.  A SPATULA?!!!!!!!!!

Someone please interpret before I lose my mind.  K thanks.

~Nancy Drew

Yay for gay, I love rainbows!

Why are people so close-minded?  I would give anything to live in a world where people are not judged by who they love.  Growing up in a small town where people just don't accept being gay or lesbian, I never talked about my attraction to women.  I felt ashamed because everyone said it's a sin.  Well, fine.  I know I'm a sinner and if you are reading this, you are a sinner too.  But that's ok.  We all make mistakes.  Sin or no sin, I am who I am.  I think lying is a sin too and that's what I did most of my life.  I spent most of my life dating men and pretending to be happy.  I never was strong enough to come out to my family that I was really attracted to women.  I know my mom would've been upset to know, but I really wish I had told her that I like girls.  Now that Mom is gone, I feel like I lied to her my entire life.  That's something I have to live with.  Coming out would've been a better option.

LGBT kids are losing their lives because of the world's ignorance and that needs to stop!  Gay kids are so afraid to tell their parents they are gay that they are suicidal.  I wish I had the courage but I waited too late.  It's so difficult to be honest with ourselves, not to mention being honest with our friends and family.  People are afraid to come out because of being bullied and harrassed.  It's nobody else's business who someone else loves.  Just be happy that they can find love!  I hope to find it someday.  When I was younger, I wasn't afraid of being bullied.  To be honest, I'm not sure exactly why I was afraid.  I just know that I had to keep my sexuality a secret and that's not right. 

Once again, I ask why are people so close-minded?  I wish I knew the answer and how to remedy the issue... but, I'm just as guilty.  I was close-minded for most of my life.  I refused to entertain the idea of coming out and dating a girl in the open.  I may still date a man in the future, but I'm more attracted to women and I am doing my best to be more open about it.  I might just shout it from the rooftops.  I'm no longer ashamed nor afraid.  And if you don't like me because of who I love, then eat shit and skedaddle. :)

We should all treat people with respect and dignity.  Being gay or transgender shouldn't be an issue.  It's should be normalcy.

I say that if you are a woman who loves women or you are a man who loves men, you should be proud to have pride!

~Nancy Drew

My living room transformation

I had a very lovely day in town today.  I gave up waiting for my tax receipt to come in the mail so I just went to the courthouse and paid a dollar to get a copy.  Of course after I got home, my original tax receipt was waiting for me in my mailbox.  I got my tags renewed so I am not afraid to drive in town and I won't have to avoid police anymore.  After I ran my errands,  Brandi and I had lunch at Olive Garden.  We had an awesome waitress.  When she came to our table, she pretty much only talked to Brandi... maybe she was a good waitress because Brandi is so hot.  Brandi and I should dine together more often so we get better service. :) 

After my great day in town, I came home and found that my boys decided to rearrange my furniture.  I cleaned my house yesterday and now it's tore to hell again.  Thanks, jackwagons.

The blur is Steve.. But that's my couch in the middle of the room.

Another blur of Steve.

Steve was jumping and snorting.. He knew he was in trouble.

I saw this goose in a parking lot and I yelled at it, calling it a duck. :)

I took this pic of my hair. It was crazy today. 

So after cleaning up my living room, I explained to Steve that due to his inconsiderate rearrangement of my furniture, he has lost couch cushion privileges.  I told him that every pillow or cushion I have to pick up off the floor, I will stash away in the guest room until he learns some manners.  He looked at me in a crazy, confused way like I had just asked him to bathe in peanut butter.   He'll learn. 

~Nancy Drew

My project

Most of my close friends have read this.  But I decided to post a small part of my writing project online to get a few opinions.  I have the fever and I have to write.  So, if you stumble upon this blog, please click the link and vote.... here >>>> http://www.wattpad.com/1116529-beyond-belief

I have more to it but I'm not sure about posting it yet. I just wanted to give a taste and see if it's worth continuing this project.  It means alot to me and I'm excited to say that I am FINALLY WRITING AGAIN!!!

~Nancy Drew

It's a 2 cigarette kind of day.

The day started off bad right after I woke up this morning.  Steve peed in the floor before I could get the door open to let him out.  When my alarm goes off, I have to run downstairs to let him out or he will just let it go on my hardwood.  This morning, I wasn't fast enough for Steve's petite, weak bladder.

Then off to work to find out that my department is being slammed with back to back calls.  Ugh... great.  I just did my job and took care of business like normal without much complaining.  My mind was elsewhere.  I couldn't stop thinking about the letter I got in the mail on Saturday from a debt collector requesting funds for an unpaid medical bill for Mom.  It didn't bother me so much that it was a bill, but it just reminded me of Mom and reading the first line of the letter saying how sorry they are for my loss was enough to depress me.  I thought all the bills were taken care of.  If it was my bill, to be honest, I would probably ignore it.  But I want to do right by my mom and if I need to pay it, I will.  During my lunch break, I went to my truck and texted my sister, whom I haven't spoken with much since Mom died.  She says she doesn't know anything about the letter and she didn't get one like it.  I even tried calling my brother but he wasn't home.  I did get to speak with my nephew, which was awesome.  I love that kid. 

I went back inside to work and talked with my boss about keys and work crap.  She asked if I smoked and I said, "No, but it's a 2 cigarette kind of day."  She looked at me like I'd lost my mind.  I told her a little bit about the letter and about communicating with family that I don't normally talk to.  A co-worker heard the '2 cigarette' line and vouched for me that I am not a smoker unless something is bothering me or I'm stressed.  Anyway, I'll pay the bill and life will go on.

I left work and stopped for milk at Walgreens.  I got almost home and this lovely little cop noticed my expired tags on my truck.  Eh, that didn't surprise me, but he didn't give me a ticket.  Cool.  I am well aware of my tags being expired as I've been waiting for my tax receipt so I can renew them.  I paid online and the wankers won't let me print an official receipt online... it MUST be mailed.  I'm still waiting.  Maybe I'll get it tomorrow.

I'm now home and glad this day is nearly over.  After a day like today, I can still be thankful of a few things.  Everyone got oreos at work today, the milk was on sale, the cop was hot, there were ONLY 2 cigarettes, and I made it home alive.  Tomorrow will be a better day.  I just know it.

~Nancy Drew

The slutbag and my best friend, Greg.

I've been searching for inspiration to start writing again.  It was suggested that I write about a person I know.  Well, I'm not so great at writing facts or truth.  It's not as if I cannot speak the truth, but when writing, I find an outlet in creation.  Creating a world, a character, a situation, or a feeling is what drives me.  My way of dealing with life is to make life how I want it to be made.  Don't get me wrong.  Most of my writing stems from real life experiences and conversations, but some is a fabrication.   With that said, here is MY take on my best friend, Greg the slutbag:

How do you sum up someone who has so many talents and amazing attributes but has been dealt an unbelievably bad hand?  You're guess is as good as mine.  But for this particular person, he is my best friend.  He is the closest thing to family that I have and will ever have.  Greg knows everything about me.  We have had girl-talk sessions for hours and he knows things about me that nobody else knows.  He has seen me at my rock bottom and he has seen me during my most golden of moments.  The poor bastard has even seen me naked.

His real story started while he was married to his bitch wife.  That's when Greg and I first met.  There was but one problem.  Bitch Wife didn't like me.  She was threatened by my friendship with her husband.  I can't blame her for being jealous but her jealousy was aimed at the wrong individual.  Greg may have been a slutbag then, but he wasn't a slutbag with me.  We were only friends.  I mean, hello?  He's old and I'm not. 

After their divorce, Greg showed his true slutbag colors while maintaining a hero image.  Being that he was free from Bitch Wife, he dated and banged women, more women, and even more women... and from what I understand... he banged a few at the same time.  That was cool with me as long as I didn't lose his friendship.  While I had problems with my own marriage and my parents had problems with theirs, Greg was always there for me.  He calmed me down when I called crying and he scolded me when I screwed up.  That's where the hero part comes into play.  It wasn't just an image.  I didn't just perceive him that way.  He really was and is a hero to me.

During my "rock bottom," he saved me.  He saved me in every way possible.  He gave a bed to sleep in, money to get home, and a shoulder to cry on.  That may not be much to most people.  But to me, that means the world. 

Greg is a talented guitar player, handyman, womanizer, dancer, conversationalist, survivor, and therapist.  I know, I know.  Womanizing may not be the most admirable of talents.. but he's good at it.  A person with these talents deserves the best in life.  That person would not deserve to have failed marriages, failed relationships, instability, bad credit, nor low income.  Why does Greg have a few of these?  Because he is selfless.  He gives everything he has to those he loves.  Someday, he will have everything he deserves.  His friends and family, myself included, need to give something back to him.  He needs love and support so that he can continue to be a hero to me and everyone else.  So that he can prosper and be proud of his accomplishments.  So that he can be proud to be the best person I've ever known.

Greg and I have each witnessed our own failed marriages, failed relationships, general bad decisions, and some good decisions along the way.  One thing is clear during all these years of friendship.  We didn't fail.

I love you, Greg.  You, slutbag.

So there it is.  I guess it's not so difficult to write the truth.  Well, most of it is true anyway. ;)

~Nancy Drew

After a while

While removing pictures and posts on Facebook, I found this post I did.   It's one of the best things I've ever read.  When I posted it on Facebook, I included a picture of my mom.

Here it is.


After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning. And company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. And futures have a way of falling down in mid flight. After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So, you plan your own garden and decorate you own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure. That you really are strong. And you really do have worth. And you learn, and learn...with every goodbye, you learn.

Veronica A. Schoffstall

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today is Mom's birthday.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her but her birthday is especially difficult.  I wish she could be here so I could give her flowers or take her to dinner.  Sometimes I miss her so much I can't stand it.  Everything reminds me of her.  I look at my bare windows in my house and think to myself that Mom wouldn't let the windows look that way.  She would've made us go shopping for curtains and blinds soon after I bought my house.

I tried to keep myself busy today so I wouldn't think about it being Mom's birthday but I couldn't stop thinking about her.  I went to KFC tonight.  That was her favorite.  I went to KFC on her birthday last year too.  It's probably kinda sick to celebrate the birthday of someone you miss so much by eating a piece of fried chicken.  But to me, it just makes sense.

I love you, Mom.  I can't wait to see you again.

~Nancy Drew

That's my vagina

You know it's time to call it a night and just go to bed when you have to say, "Steve, don't! That's my vagina."  It's bad when it's not referring to sexual things and even worse when you're talking to a dog.  Steve gets so wound up when I'm relaxing at home after work. He wants to stand on my legs or he pushes his face into my lap to get me to scratch his ears.  He is such a goofy boy and he doesn't realize his strength.  But how can you not love that face?

~Nancy Drew