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Bert spent approximately 5 hours yesterday with duct tape wrapped around his ears. He was just as happy as ever. I woke up in the middle of the night and actually felt a twinge of guilt that I would tape my dog just to pull myself out of depression. So, I snuggled Bert up close to me and kissed him on the head, slowly removed the duct tape, and then proceeded to announce to him that he's a dumbass. He yawned, circled three or four times, and went back to sleep. Cute...but dumb. Bert is also my boy who has an extreme fascination with his own tail. He chases it. I mean, chases it like if he doesn't succeed in catching it, the world will end. He stops at nothing to retrieve that blasted tail. Smacking into walls, Steve's legs, nor furniture will stop him. When I see him twirling after his heiny, I swear I can hear him saying, "I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha!"
Then, there is Scuba Steve. Now, I'm not sure if Steve is mentally challenged or if he is just extremely clumsy. Today, I watched him do a very impressive spin on my freshly mopped living room floor. Trying to catch up with Bert, he appeared to attempt a triple lutz without success. I watched in horror as I saw my big man's legs fly up and in slow motion, he landed face first onto the hardwood. Had he really been ice skating, I'm sure the cold would have felt much better than the wet hardwood. Bless him. Within a second of his face plant, he jumped to his feet and snorted like a bull. Of course, I grabbed him and looked him over to make sure he was okay. That was a serious fall that scared me as much as it scared him. Steve was fine... and so was my hardwood. Yes, he hit so hard, I checked for a crack in the floor too.
Google is an invaluable tool to me. I'm not sure that I consider my retarded dogs 'tools,' but they are definitely invaluable too. They fill a void for me and make me feel not so alone. Google gives me the answers, but my retarded dogs give me the love that I need. They satisfy my need for human interaction and allow me to feel somewhat normal. Retarded or not, I love them.