OMG I almost died

As I sat at my computer desk, googling, I felt something soft and squishy push against my left shoulder.  Normally, soft and squishy things do not cause me to internally panic, but this time, since I was in my element and concentrating on Google, I nearly peed my pants and jumped out of my skin.  I turned, expecting  to see a giant fluffy, murderous teddy bear monster  with huge teeth, dripping with blood, waiting to make a snack out of me.  Wrong.  It was just Scuba Steve, my great dane.  He was standing there with a toy hedgehog in his mouth,  bobbing his head like a chicken, pushing the toy onto my shoulder.  Sometimes, I swear these dogs will be the death of me.  I asked him, "Steve, what do you want?"  He snorted and pranced around like a retard, violently shaking the hedgehog.  Moments like these, when my heart is pounding out of my chest from fear of being eaten, and feeling so much love for a retarded, giant horse-dog, I honestly feel happy.

~Nancy Drew